Anyone who has ever planned a wedding will tell you how stressful the process can be - from coordinating dozens of vendors, to compiling perfect playlists and making sure there’s ample food and booze to keep everyone content… so much thought and consideration goes into every detail! So if you’re lucky enough to score an invite to a friend, colleague or relative’s big day, it’s important to know how to be the best wedding guest to ensure the couple’s celebration is memorable for all of the right reasons.
From RSVPing by the due date (if not well before!) to communicating dietary requirements early and knowing what questions to avoid asking the soon-to-be newlyweds in the days leading up to their celebration, we’re giving you the full run down on basic wedding guest etiquette that everyone should know!
Wedding Etiquette 101
Every wedding is unique but there are a few key pieces of wedding guest etiquette that apply to every wedding.
Show up and have fun!
Having fun and getting into the spirit of the celebration should be at the top of your to-do list as a wedding guest. From joining in on photos to letting loose on the dance floor - if you’re ‘leaning in’ to the celebration, your good vibes and upbeat energy will be contagious.
RSVP by the due date.
We cannot emphasise this enough! Wedding vendors require guest numbers to be confirmed months in advance to finalise menus, seating plans and party favours; so as soon as you receive that invite, make note of the RSVP date and stick to it! Trust us when we tell you that the couple getting hitched has a lot to manage and they do not want to spend their time chasing up tardy RSVPs.
Always specify your dietary requirements when returning your RSVP.
Guests who forget to specify their dietary requirements when RSVPing and instead contact the couple in the days leading up to the big day to request a vegan or gluten free meal can go straight to jail!
Take note of who the wedding invitation is addressed to.
If the invitation does not say your name plus guest or plus one or the name of your partner, it’s only you who has been invited. There are many reasons as to why you might not be allocated a plus one to a wedding (from budgetary to venue restrictions), so never assume you’re allowed to bring a date unless their name is on the invite too!
If the couple has specified on the invitation that their wedding will be kid-free, then your job as a guest is to honour that choice and not make a fuss about it.
It’s the height of rudeness to ask to bring your kids to a wedding if the invitation specified that it’s a child free wedding. Get a baby sitter and make a night of it!
Read the invitation from top to bottom and back to front!
Couples include important information in their invitations - from where to park to what to wear, and as a wedding guest, the least you can do is take note of any instructions or specific requests. If you received a physical invitation, keep it somewhere safe to refer back to closer to the wedding, or take a photo of it and keep that on your phone. Trust us when we tell you the couple getting married do not want to be fielding questions about where to park or what to wear in the lead up to the wedding when they shared that info with you months in advance. Just read the dang invite already!
Common Wedding Guest Mistakes To Avoid
Arriving late to the ceremony:
Not paying attention to the requested guest arrival time on the invite is a sure-fire way to disrupt the ceremony and draw focus away from the couple tying the knot. If you’re prone to being late, plan your day so that you’re ready well in advance of when it’s time to leave, and make sure to allocate extra travel time to the ceremony location in case of unforeseen delays! Don’t. Be. Late! We can’t emphasise this enough!
Wearing white or off-white or a shade close to white
Steer clear of anything even remotely resembling white unless the dress code specifically tells you otherwise! If you turn up to a wedding wearing white and you’re not getting married, you’re asking for someone to pour red wine down you… begging them to even! Stick to the dress code and don’t try to upstage the bride.
Ignoring requests for an unplugged wedding
This is a big no no! If the couple has advised their celebrant and/or photographer and videographer that they don’t want guests filming or taking photos during the ceremony, then it’s basic wedding guest etiquette to accept that request and keep your phone (and god forbid iPad!) in your handbag. There are many reasons why a couple might wish to have an unplugged ceremony and it’s not your business to question it, or worse, pull out your phone, camera or ipad regardless of the couple’s request!
Being rude to vendors
You would think this one goes without saying but experience has taught us otherwise! Vendors are juggling so many variables on the day of a wedding and have been hand selected by the couple to be a part of their celebration, so don’t get in their way and please don’t be rude to them.
Not keeping your opinions to yourself
Unless you’re about to compliment the vibe, decor, venue or otherwise, keep your opinions to yourself. Weddings are personal to the couple getting married so if you’re not hyping up their choices, keep those lips sealed until you get home.
Drinking too much
We have lost count of how many stories we’ve heard about friendships and family relationships that have ended due to inappropriate alcohol-fueled behaviour at a wedding. A considerate wedding guest will stay on top of their alcohol intake so as to not draw focus from the celebrations!
Guest Etiquette Checklist
Now that you know what not to do, here’s a checklist you can use as a guide to being a star guest:
-
Dress to the dress code and go all in if there’s a particular theme.
-
Be punctual.
-
Participate in any activities or activations the couple may have organised, like a photo booth or interactive guest book.
-
Personally congratulate the couple at some point during the celebration.
-
Pay attention to how much you’re drinking and know your limits.
-
Be kind and courteous to fellow guests as well as wedding vendors.
-
Have fun and get into the spirit of the event.
Long story short, it’s not rocket surgery to be a top notch wedding guest! At the end of the day, being a great wedding guest comes down to one simple thing: remembering that this moment means the world to the couple who invited you. They’ve poured months of work and thousands of dollars into creating a celebration that reflects their love story, so showing up prepared, respectful and ready to celebrate is the best gift you can give them. Now go forth and be the star wedding guest you were born to be!